5 Things I Wish I Knew 10 Years Ago
Updated: Jan 12, 2020
Ten years is a long time. It's been a bumpy ride in the course of the last decade but I have learnt some valuable life lessons.
'The two most powerful warriors are patience and time' - Leo Tolstoy
These are the 5 things I wish I had known back then:
When we're young we are often impatient and want everything NOW! Society often tells us what we should be doing at certain points in our lives but we are all on our own unique journey and there is no collective timeline. Sometimes things happen before we think we're ready and other times when we feel it's way overdue. The common denominator is that things happen when the time is right. When we're truly ready which isn't always when we believe ourselves to be ready. Life's a marathon not a sprint. Trust your own journey and allow things to unfold as they are meant to.
Trust is the bridge to connection
Trusting others can be hard, but I have also learnt that trust is an essential part of building human relationships. When we have a fear of trusting others what we really fear is our own ability to discern who to trust and who not to. Essentially lack of trust is a lack of trust in the self. Ironic but true! When we open ourselves up to trust and have confidence that we can choose well we enrich our lives. If we make mistakes or errors of judgement that's ok too. We're learning and growing. The key is to take chances and to trust our own intuition above our fears.
'He who does not trust enough, will not be trusted' - Lao Tzu
This is a big one! As women we are often taught to be nice, agreeable and to not ruffle any feathers. Those days are gone my friends! Ruffle those feathers! Stand up for yourself and what you believe in and be clear about what's acceptable and not in terms of how others treat you and your space. It's ok to say no and to set your own standards. Set them high sisters!
Trauma bonds are not love
Going deep here. When I look back on my past relationships I realise that sometimes what appears to have been love on the surface was in fact more of a trauma bond. What is a trauma bond? It's essentially when you connect deeply with someone because you have experienced the same or similar traumas. Sometimes there is love in the picture as well so I'm not saying that's not a possibility. Every situation is different. The dangers of trauma bonds though are that they keep you stuck in a negative pattern and prevent you from transforming and moving forward because both parties are usually unaware of their own psychology. Love is not about trauma bonds. It's time to call out the unhealthy 'love' bonds for what they are. Traps from the past that prevent you from creating the love you truly deserve.
'How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you' - Rupi Kaur
Everyone talks about self-love these days. Self-love is definitely a lot more than taking bubble baths and painting your toe nails on a Friday night if that's what you feel like doing. Yes it's about honouring our needs, but it's also about total self-acceptance. Accepting your flaws and imperfections and loving yourself anyway. Owning your story without shame. Being proud of who you are and how far you've come. If you think you haven't come very far look again. You're right where you're supposed to be.
Hege [usually pronounced as Peggy with an H] is a blogger and singer/songwriter based in London. She is passionate about empowering other women through her work after healing herself from dysfunctional relationships and emotional abuse. Her music has been likened to that of Adele and Tori Amos and her latest influences range from Freya Ridings and Sigrid to Dua Lipa. She is currently working on her second EP. Check out her music and blog at www.hegemusic.com